There’s a lot that I can’t know yet

i’ve spent this weekend primarily alone, basking in the late summer’s glow of truth and pain and loneliness, of happiness and balance and grief. summer 2013 has been trying, painful, emotional, alcohol-soaked, unhealthy in mind/body/spirit, and genuinely difficult. i’ve cried, a lot. i’ve waxed nostalgic for things that i don’t really miss. i’ve felt torn up and chewed up and generally used up.

but autumn beckons, and with those changing leaves always comes a sense of newness, of grace, of a clean slate and an open road. for as hard as this summer has been, i’ve made it through to see the fall. without the difficulties i faced, i wouldn’t have the patience and solitude that i have now. for that, i am truly grateful.

there’s plenty of change on the horizon, and where i felt ill-equipped to handle it before, i now know that i can really, truly do anything. i’ve made it through so much in just a few short months, and i know that nothing worth having comes easy. i’m resting and relaxing now knowing that i can and will make it. i’ve already made it. and i’ll continue to fend for myself through the wicked cycles of life until i’ve come out on top again.